


Modern Day Quidditch Matches

by Ruunkur



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (Fuck Canon though), Hufflepuff is the best house, My friend shared with my a photo, Second person POV, This was the result of seeing a person riding a romba
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:21:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruunkur/pseuds/Ruunkur
Summary: You always hated how brooms felt.Well, modern day witchesneedmodern day solutions.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 3





	Modern Day Quidditch Matches

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written for the HP fandom in like, ..... eight years? Nine years? Anyway, have this crack one-shot.

“Well, folks, this year promises to be an interesting time for the Quidditch Pitch! As you know, with the introduction of Harry Potter as the new flying instructor, things have gotten lax here at Hogwarts! This year’s Hufflepuff team has done away with the traditional brooms and-”

There’s a roar of disappointment from the stands, and you’re shifting your grip on the small vacuum. Really, it had been your idea. you didn’t like the bulkiness of the broom and how uncomfortable it felt and when you had mentioned it to Professor Potter, the man had gotten a look in his eye and decided that he would come up with something else that would fit you instead.

During your second year, you had requested the hand vacuum from your parents(really, they just wanted to do some spot cleaning because you were a mess and often ate in bed. It wasn’t a bit fair to the house elves if they could just take care of it), Potter had gotten the idea, pleasantly asking to see your hand vacuum.

It was not illegal to have it, per say, but you were worried that he wouldn’t give it back and it had been a life saver. You were in your third year now and you relied too much on it, probably.

The rest of the team, unwilling to let their seeker go ahead with such a great idea, had joined the ranks. The Hufflepuff chasers, Jacob, Allen, and Harrietta, had the Dysons that Potter acquired and enchanted with the help of Hermoine Granger, a glint in his eyes. They were lightweight and, when the chasers practiced on them, everyone on your team had been surprised by just how fast they could go.

The beaters, Alfred and Dolores, held their round rombas proudly, their bats held tightly in their grips. They had, at first, been afraid of falling off, but when Potter proved(no less by chasing around a snitch around on one and _catching_ it in less than ten minutes) that the anti-gravity charms were the best in the place, they had been thrilled.

And then there was you, with your handheld vacuum and a grip that could(probable but not likely) break stone. Now, you step onto the pitch and you could hear the groans from the Slytherin team.

Your own head of house was sitting in the stands, head in his hands, unwilling to look. Sometimes you wondered why Neville had been so adamant about being head of Hufflepuff, but you couldn’t say you hated the idea. The man was brilliant, but he looked a little green.

Now, you could hear the crowds booing as you stepped onto the pitch and your team mounted the various vacuums. There was a hush that fell on the crowd as the Slytherin team took to the pitch, their shiny firebolts glinting in the dim sunlight. You eyed their seeker, a slinky, skinny teenager who looked like a single gust of wind could blow him off the broom, but the pair of you had been friends for years and you knew that there were muscles under that skin.

“You all know the rules. Behave, try not to maim each other and!” Here, Harry clapped his hands together, a grin crossing his face, “above all, have fun!”

You heard the roar of various vacuums starting and then you were off, letting the heft of the hand vacuum pull you into the air. Yes, you were practically dangling off the handle, but your arms had the strength to hold you up for hours. You thanked the monkey bars you dearly loved growing up, and perhaps a bit of a desire to just… dangle from door frames for hours at a time.

You liked your upper body strength, that was the long and short of it.

Harry tapped his wand on the box of balls, the bludgers darting into the distance. Alfred and Dolores gave each other grins, adjusting their position on the bulk of the vacuum and holding the nozzle attachment with grace before they took to the air, the chasers already in the air, their rombas purring with a happiness you wished you felt before you were off the ground, higher in the air than the others.

See, the thing your team had found out about vacuums was that they were powerful. The motors had room for improvement with magical charms (actually, now that you think about it, how did Harry Potter enchant seven difference muggle vacuums?)

“And the Hufflepuff keeper… scoops the quaffle out of the air with their…”

“It’s a canister vacuum!” Harry shouts up helpfully.

“With their canister vacuum from entering the rings and throws-”

“Yeet!” Marietta screamed, chucking the quaffle back into play like a baseball bat smacking a ball. It swung past the Slytherin chasers and you see Allen swoop down on his Dyson, snagging the quaffle and taking off. You shift, watching as the beaters swing their bats, the rombas offering a smooth glide as the Slytherin beater attempts to hit the bludger at Harrietta. You see Harrietta swoop out of the way, snagging the quaffle from Allen before chucking it through the hoop.

You, yourself, turn your attention to the field, well above the action. Your hand vacuum hummed above you as you hovered. The game played out below you, the Hufflepuff team slowly pulling ahead as they screamed out memes. With a roll of your eyes, you see the Slytherin keeper and smirk, narrowing your gaze.

Then you let go of the hand vacuum and plummet, hearing the soft whine before it dived under you. The Slytherin keeper cursed, watching as you dived and, as he crashed towards the ground, you reached out, grabbing hold of the handle and stopping yourself short, the vacuum faithfully chugging you back upwards as the Slytherin Keeper crashed to the ground, too stunned to see the stunt you pulled to pay attention. Back above the air, with Alfred easily keeping the bludgers away from you, you look for the golden-

And there it was, hovering near the hoops of the Slytherin Goal posts. With a grin, you swing your body in that direction and the handheld vacuum responds in kind. The crowd has gone still as the Slytherin Keeper picks himself back up, the score is 200 to 40, Hufflepuff in the lead.

And-

“What the bloody hell?”

Your body surges forward and you throw yourself from the hand vacuum, swan diving through the air. The crowd goes wild, they’re not sure what you’re doing because the other keeper hasn’t quite made it off the ground and then you reach out with your free hand, snitch carefully caught in one hand, while you grab onto your trusty hand vacuum.

There’s an uproar as your team lands, dogpilling you for the winning catch and Harry Potter strides over, declaring Hufflepuff the winner of the match.

***

“Have you seen the news article?”

You look up from your plate of food, Dolores sitting across from you. In the four years the two of you have been playing on the Hufflepuff team, a strong bond has formed. With the original Vacuum Quidditch team graduated and the two of you being the only ones left, you blazed a new legacy.

“Which one?” you asked, setting your fork down.

Dolores produced a muggle news article and you took it, raising an eyebrow.

_Millennials: Bringing Back the Cleaning Product Industry?_

_What had once been a decline in the cleaning product industry receives a mysterious rise. Are millennials finally bringing back the use of vacuums and other vacuum-like products? The new wave of cleaning products has taken to the shelves. Where once the stores had excess vacuums, they now cannot seem to keep them off the shelves!_

_We spoke with several different…_

You shake your head, setting it on the table. “Don’t they know that it wouldn’t be millennials? Is everything the fault of millennials because someone’s in denial?”

Dolores lets out a snort, ignoring the look her bench mate throws her. “No, but did you see this?”

She holds out a copy of the prophet and you take it, your eyebrows disappearing above your hairline.

_Traditional Quidditch on the Decline?_

_Read all about it! As more and more students leave Hogwarts, the School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the fewer students become professional Quidditch Players. More Black Market Quidditch matches are on the rise, using the muggle vacuums that seem to be rising in popularity. Many different teams have arisen, several made completely out of one type of vacuum, while others vary their use of vacuums._

_Mainstream Quidditch had denied the use of Muggle-charmed vacuums, but there has been no doubt that their popularity is quickly out matching that of a class broom model. Are traditional Quidditch brooms on the brink of being replaced?_

“Man-” You put the paper down, holding up a finger and let out a snort. Dolores waits until you’re finished laughing, raising an eyebrow as she studies you.

“Who would have thought, right?” Dolores asked, her shoulders shaking.

There were still some students who used brooms throughout the school, but various forms of vacuums (all pre-approved and charmed by Potter and Granger, who had returned to the school as a teacher after a stint at the Ministry) were definitely the more popular thing to see on the Quidditch pitch in the recent years.

“And to think, it was all because you hated broom chafing and liked to hang off of things.” Dolores gave you a look and you shrugged, flexing at her to the mixed groans and laughter of the students around you.

“Gotta say, it’s an impressive skill. I think I might go try out for a black market team once I’m out of school, what about you?” you ask, studying her.

Dolores let out a huff, eyes gleaming. “I hear our old team is looking for another keeper and beater. Maybe we can join up with them once the year’s out.”

You nod, getting back to eating as Dolores chats happily about the plans. When you look up at the table, you see Potter, eyes gleaming as he smiles at you.

And you know that all would be well within your world.


End file.
